A Return to the Past

I had a really nice trip to Edisto this year.

To most, this seems like a "duh" statement- it's the beach, right. But for me, no. You have to understand the history behind this. The history with my family. I don't like to get into a lot of details with family stuff, since anyone can read this. Let's just say that there have been some rough times in the past putting my whole family (that's including step family) in one house together for a week. Maybe the personalities don't match, maybe people don't have enough to occupy their time, or maybe it's the alcohol talking. Probably all of those combined. Anyway, for some years now I've come to see Edisto as less of a vacation and more of a game of waiting to see what crazy thing will happen next. This is sad, because Edisto is one of my favorite places on earth.

If you're one of those people who have to have constant noise and action and a party atmosphere, you really wouldn't like it. What's more, you wouldn't get it. You have to come to an understanding with the island. When you look at it on the surface, you may see something that looks boring. No, you can't do much shopping. You can't go putt putting, and you certainly can't go to a night club. But if you're the kind of person who likes these things (which at times, I am) it doesn't mean you can't also appreciate Edisto for what it is.

There's a natural beauty to the island. You can't really describe it to someone- but I'll try. In a 5 minute walk you can look a the ocean with dolphins playing and the most seashells of each beach in SC, and you can see breathtaking view of marsh land, with Ospreys flying over. You can drive down (in your car or on a bike) streets with trees bending from both sides of the road to touch each other.

There's an oldness to Edisto. Plantation homes still stand on the island with long, winding roads and hugs gates. While there are paved roads, there are also dirt roads that make your car rattle as if you were on a washboard. There is a dirt-floored vegetable stand called "George and Pink's" that has the best veggies, and also some roosters walking around if you come at the right time. There's ONE grocery store where everyone goes. It's the kind of place that they leave the key to the house you rented outside so you can get it when you arrive (along with a map of where to go) and don't think for a second anyone else would take it. The biggest event of the week is Bingo in a relatively small building (last time I went, close to 400 people came). For goodness sake, there's a mattress tied to a tree called the "Edisto Hammock." They forgot to join the 21st century... I love it.


There's a mystery and culture to Edisto. I have been going to Edisto since I was a little girl, and I'm still learning more about it each year. The low country of SC is full of mysterious ghost tales- it's part of living there. Edisto has some of these too. I love to hear the "gullah" accent of the natives. Going to the church and hearing the choir sing would make you cry. You can also hike to go see the Indian mound. The people hear know the rivers (the ACE basin -- where the Ashepoo, Cumbahee, and the Edisto Rivers come together) like the back of their hands.

All of these things, and even more that are unspoken, instill a love of the island in anyone who takes the time to appreciate it. This year I seemed to have a bit more time to appreciate these things. I'm glad. Many of my greatest childhood memories were made on Edisto, and I can't wait to make more for myself and eventually my new family!

Why oh Why

I like to ask why. I have since I was a kid. Yes, I was one of those really annoying kids who kept on asking and asking and asking. I like to think it made me a little smarter. I don't ask it as often now, of course, at least not out loud. Here are some things that come to mind lately that I've wondered about:

1. Why do some guys have to be jerks?: Ok, if you happen to be one of these guys, listen up. This has happened more than once to me, and I'm sure to many girls. Let's get this straight. Riding in your truck beside a girl and starting at her, holding up your cell phone and asking her to call you, is NOT the right way to get her attention. Maybe it's just me, but I automatically thing "WEIRDO STALKER!" This might work for some girls... but if it does, think about what kind of girl you're actually attracting here. When it comes to the point where a girl has to hold up her left hand and show the ring it's pretty much gone far enough.

2. Why are some guys so great?: On the opposite side of things, I have an amazingly wonderful fiance! I ask myself at least once every day how I got the privilege of being with such a great man. He is constantly doing things that show me his love for me and how much of a kind, caring, thoughtful person he is! I love you baby!

3. Why does a good hair day make everything better?: This is a shout out to David, too! He and I both have "new do's" now! Something about the good hair day just translates to every other part of the day. Maybe it's a confidence thing, maybe it's a comfort thing... what I do know is whatever you're doing, you look fabulous doing it! :)

4. Why does everything that is bad for you taste so good?: Come on, you know it's true. I eat salads with the best of them.... and some people say they taste great (including me). I love veggies too, but wouldn't you REALLY rather be eating that cheeseburger?? YOU KNOW YOU WOULD!

5. Why is the sky blue?: Oh, yeah... something about the ocean?? Hehe, kidding

6. Why is it that a good song can turn your day around like nothing else?: Seems to me that even the worst day can become better with the right song. That's why music transcends language.... no matter where you are or who you are music can touch you. Pretty amazing, too, how God lets you hear that song just when you need it!

7. Why do cookies go so well with milk?: David and I made cookies to take to his Aunt and Uncle's house this weekend when we go. Some had to be sampled, of course, and we each had a glass of milk. Cookies are good, but that glass of milk just pushes them over the edge to great :) Who came up with that combo??

8. WHY THE HECK IS GAS SO EXPENSIVE???? Haha, all that needs to be said about that one!

Maybe the last and final one should be why am I blogging at 1:30 am when I've got a busy weekend coming up and lots to do? Hehe, ah well.

A New Look and a New Attitude

A wise person once told me that writing could help you sort out your feelings and even help you get through tough problems in life (ok, it was my fiance-- yes, he is very wise). I can honestly say it has been a blessing beyond words that I wrote my last blog, "Peter Pan Syndrome." No, life hasn't automatically become perfect- and I wouldn't want it that way. Perfect=boring... and we aren't made that way. However, I have been able to really look at my attitude and what things have caused me to act and think the way I have been. I can already feel a change in myself since I wrote it. A few days ago I went from a dark brunette to a blond, so why not have a new and improved attitude to go with my new and improved look (I'll try to post a picture ASAP)!
I have two verses from the Bible that I have been clinging to over the past few days. Both come from the book of Ephesians chapter 5:

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of the light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord." Ephesians 5:8-10

These verses have reminded me of a couple of very important things in my life. One is that Christ loves me more than I could possibly know. If I profess to be a Christian, which I am, and have a relationship with Christ, nothing on earth should make me happier than knowing that God loves me and sent Christ to die so that my sins can be forgiven and I can spend eternity with God. Why do I, and so many Christians, forget this simple truth so often? It is the most basic truth of Christianity. It is what we profess when we put our faith in Christ. Maybe we forget because many of us became Christians at an early age. Maybe we forget because we get so bogged down in everything else going on. Maybe we forget because we don't spend enough time in the presence of Christ and in the presence of people who believe what we do and can encourage us. I have a feeling it is a little bit of all of these. The simple fact that Christ loves me so much that He died for me should be enough to bring joy to my life for the rest of my life. The war has been won for me. No problems I might face in life, including death, are beyond the power of Christ. In fact, He is in control of everything, so even the trials I face are for His glory. Everything I do has a purpose, to grow in stature and faith and to glorify God. In the book of James it says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when ever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2). No human is going to be perfect at this, but I can find comfort in the fact that all of the things I've faced this year are making me a better, stronger person in Christ!

The other thing that the verses I mentioned above have reminded me of is that others are watching me. Sounds scary, like a horror movie, huh? I don't mean it like that, not the stalker kind of watching. People who do not know the Lord are watching me, and other Christians. This is important because the job of Christians is to be ambassadors for Christ on earth. Christ did walk on this earth for a short time, but that was long ago. We as His followers are to spread His love and message until He returns. If I have an ugly attitude, one that seems beaten down and without hope, what are others going to think? Most likely they will think - "She seems to be feeling and acting just like me- obviously nothing is different about her, why does she need God, and why do I?" That is the last message I want to send to a world that needs God. I have a hope that surpasses all understanding, a hope that is still there in the darkest times. That's what I as a Christian want others to see. If I were trying to sell a product, a vacuum (for lack of a better example), I certainly wouldn't represent it in a bad light. I wouldn't walk around acting like I didn't do anything for me, it wasn't helpful, or it didn't work well. I wouldn't want to give it a "bad name." Why would I do that for Christ? If I want others to see Him as I see Him, then I have to remember that my attitude must reflect that hope I've talked about!

So, that's my little sermon for today :) Upcoming events-- Wedding planning this week, and packing for a MUCH needed week at the beach next week! Yay!

Peter Pan Syndrome

I'm done teaching and now am on summer break. If anything, this gives me some time to catch my breath, think, and blog a little bit. I haven't written since last December, but I think I need to take this time to reflect on this whole year. I feel as though I have had a gradual change in my attitude over the last year. By nature I have always been very bubbly, optimistic, and happy. When I think about my attitude now, however, I don't see that anymore. It makes me sad to realize that, but I have not given up hope that I will get back to my old self soon enough. I think that I owe those who are close to me a little bit of an explanation as to how I believe this came to be. These are not excuses for me being cranky or anything like that... more like me trying to collect my thoughts in writing. I'm hoping it might help me understand what's going on as well.
If I'm being honest, I feel like a completely different person than I was on June 15th of last year. In many ways this past year has been the toughest year of my life (and in other ways it has been the best, but i'll get to that a bit later). No one HUGE thing has made this year any tougher than others, but its been more of a compilation of a lot of things. More than anything, this year has made me grow up more than I ever wanted to. I would have to say that I have always had a touch of "Peter Pan Syndrome." I'm the kind of person who appreciates the simplicity, safety, and wonder of being a child. When I think about Christmas, beach trips, friends, and special family times as a child I remember them with such fondness. I had a few rough times growing up, but generally I was blessed with a wonderful family who went out of their way to give me everything I ever wanted and needed. Who wants to grow up if you have all of those things as a child? Not me. This past year, however, left me with no choice.
Everyone has a defining time in their life when they transition from a child to an adult. As I said, for me it was not just one thing, but a series of events. My series of events started last summer on a family beach trip. I wont go into too many details, since it involves some personal family issues, but this trip included some arguments that set into motion some major life changes for me. The first major life change was moving out on my own. This was a huge deal for me. In a way it was a catch 22. I had no choice, in my mind, about moving out. It was something that I HAD to do. I couldn't stay in my parent's house anymore. The "catch 22" part of it is that I miss my family. As I said, I had a wonderful childhood. There are still days, though it's been almost a year since I moved out, that I miss my family. By nature I'm not a quiet person. I'm someone who really likes to be around people. So, when I moved out on my own, without a roomate or anyone, it took some adjustments. I haven't talked about it a lot, but it was hard. I spent some nights crying, some night lonely, and some nights wishing that I hadn't done it. Fortunately, those are much fewer and farther between now. Of course, I am getting more used to it every day. I still struggle at times, though. Whether it's being scared to go in by myself at night, or just wanting someone to be there with me, to talk to me.
Along with being in a new house came the obvious-paying bills. I can't think of many things that will make you grow up faster than doing that. I was thrown into budgeting my money to pay rent, telephone, electric, etc. As I mentioned before, the thought of going back home crossed my mind more than a few times. A teacher's salary isn't notoriously high, and doing this on my own made me feel lost and scared. Throw in the things that I WANTED to do and the rising price of gas, and you find out just what you're made of. I've had to reprioritize a lot this past year. No, I can't go out and just buy that shirt I want-- I have to pay rent. No, I can't go get my nails done-- phone bill! No, I can't go to that concert, it's just not gonna happen. The selfish side of me still wants to whine about not getting what I want, but the mature side of me is slowly but surely trying to take over and reassure me that it will all be ok. Well, iust as I got move into my house in August of last year and started paying the bills, my other obstacle came along.
In early August of last year I walked into my first day of teaching second grade. Little did I know what awaited me. In all fairness to those close to me, I did not talk about how difficult this teaching year was for me. I suppose it was because I figured that everyone else had their own problems and didn't need to hear about all of mine. Teaching second grade tested me beyond what I thought I could handle. Many days I woke up with tears not wanting to go into work. I didn't know what was going to happen that day, but I wasn't sure I could take it. The kids were out of control. Kids were cussing at each other, cussing at me, writing ugly notes, bringing lighters to school, giving out medicine, throwing fits (stomping, screaming, throwing books, throwing themselves against walls, etc.) and so much more. If you weren't sure, yes, this is second grade. Thank goodness that through my ADEPT team I did get some help with managing the class. After that, things were better, but each day was the biggest challenge of my life keeping the kids under control. It was like a time bomb that might go off at any second. I found myself getting tougher than I ever thought I could be. I was mean. Many people say this is a blessing, that's how I need to be. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't ever before been pushed like I was this year.
The final piece of the puzzle to my year of growing up was becoming engaged. Thank goodness this is one that is all good :) I love my fiance more than words can say. He is the joy of my life, even when I don't show it. I'm am more in love than I ever thought I could be! And more than ever I am learning how to put someone else before myself. I don't always do a great job of it, and many times I know I've screwed up as soon as something comes out of my mouth. Now that i've spent so much time writing about the bad, let me talk about the silver linings of this year--

1. The NUMBER ONE silver lining is my relationship with Christ. Through all of this, even when I wouldn't talk to anyone else, I poured my heart out to Christ. When I didn't want to go to work, when I was scared, or when I was sad. He never failed to wrap his arms around me and let me know it was ok. He never failed to show me a verse from the Bible that I needed, or put someone in my path that day to encourage me. Without Him I would be nothing, I would be lost. Praise God that I'm not, and I have such great hope!

2. Another HUGE silver lining, as I mentioned, is my family and friends. I truly have been a "glass half empty" kind of person this past year, and though they didn't deserve that kind of attitude from me, they were always loving and supportive. And as for David, my fiance, I don't know what I would have done without him. Through everything he has been my rock. When I am down, he is there to be positive and loving. When I said things I probably shouldn't have he was quick to forgive and forget. He made me smile and feel love when I needed it the most. I am so blessed to be becoming his wife soon!!

3. My final silver lining is in the work area. Two good things came out of this tough year. One is that I passed ADEPT. ADEPT is the process teachers have to go through before they can be considered a professional, and have a continuing contract as a teacher. I got though it and that is a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Another good thing is that I will be back in a K4 classroom next year. Even though this year was hard, I will be able to take what I learned this year and move forward. I know that next year is going to be a good one.

I am still growing up, but this year has been a huge leap. Next year I will become a wife, and that will bring new challenges. With Christ and with my family and friends the challenges will be met, and I can regain the wonder of a child even as an adult :) I'm still praying, and I appreciate your prayers too! LOVE!